Copperpot mate,
I've been reading all your posts with growing worries. I don't want to be rude or offensive, because it's your life and you do as you feel and decide to do, it won't affect me. It's good to be determined, it's not good to be extreme in anything, even determination.
At your age, you are experienced enough to know right and wrong. Me thinks, you are quite romantic and devouted to a pro-French emotion, probably as I am to a pro-British one. You have a very romantic vision of the Legion and I'm saying this because I've read most of the threads here. This extreme perception could be a problem, confronted with reality.
Secondly, family matters could be extremely complicated. You have a family and kids, but you are looking for another family. You don't want to cope with the family you know and are used to, but think you can accomodate to a completely new family. And the kids, that's the part that I cannot realise at all.
Again, it's your life, do as you want, I don't intend to judge you, I simply don't understand, but I don't demand any explanation. Wish you good luck and balancing the pros and cons. Cheers!
You're not being rude of offensive one bit. You concern is valid and it seems to come from the heat with concern and compassion. If anything you are kind for helping me and others who read what you have written. What I do here, Stormbringer, comes after careful and deep reflection and long periods of consideration. I am not working my butt off in the gym, eating right and staying up at ungodly hours learning French on a whim or because of some idealized view of the world outside my door. The view I have of the Legion and of France is not simply a romantic one, but I do see how I come off that way with my writing. I know full well that there will be suffering for me in the Legion and in France, but I am prepared to deal with that type of suffering, whatever form it may take, in exchange for this. I am full aware it is a risk in that I may be jumping from the pan into the fire, but that is a risk I am prepared to take. With respect to suffering that I will endure, this is a type of self-mortification that I am partaking in; with respect to risk it's a sort of Russian Roulette. No, the Legion will push me to the Limits physically and emotionally - it will probably almost break me, but in knowing this I will pull through and emerge stronger than I ever though I could be. And as for France itself, there is trash on the streets of Paris, too. There are dickheads and racists in France as well - but it is a step up from where I currently am and I am happy with that. I don't for a second think there is some far away magical kingdom called France where the wine flows like water and the women throw themselves at me. France, like anywhere on this planet, will be a struggle. I'd just rather struggle in France and with French people than with Americans.
Furthermore, one reason, and it's just one of many, that I want to join the Legion, guys, is what so many others say: Adventure. I dropped out of college with a mere 4 credits left to go on a degree because I fear this plastic life of 9-5 coming and going, mortgage, car note, fake neighbors and being stuck in daily traffic as I sip Starbucks. I literally fear it more than death. I fear it more than death because death is certain, but such a boring and mundane existence is not. I refuse to live like that. I also refuse to live beholden to some woman who calling a cvnt is a compliment. She is vile and disgusting beyond what most men have ever experienced. I have given my story to other men who have had bad wives and failed relationships, I have given them my story with as much objectivity as possible sometimes even making myself seem worse, and even these men have told me how my situation is especially horrible. I have been comforted by men who thought their relationships were bad until they heard my story and were essentially like "holy shit, you got it bad!" Guys, I explained my problems to a doctor, a doctor who hears this sort of thing all day, and even he said, word-for-word, "Damn I am sorry man, this is a lot. I'll have to get back to you tomorrow." Indeed, those were the actual words from the doctor's mouth, and the scary part is he was one of the best psychiatrists in the Washington DC area. I have been through effing hell, guys. This region, these people, this culture, this very nation is full of pain and painful memories. I have always been drawn to France as if it's a calling, and I have always promised my mother I would be a Legionnaire (my mother loved military stuff).
Now, I do care for my family, just not my, how do you say, married family. I care deeply for my father and my sisters. For instance, my father just went through surgery and I thought he would have needed a kidney. I told him that I would have no problem giving him mine if it was a match. Of course him being so humble he said he would never, but I would. I would die for my family, my sisters too - and I wish I was in a grave instead of my beloved mother. I just don't care for my "wife" and kids, one who is ~3 and the other who is a few months old. I literally have better things to worry about and that woman and anything from her body can be gone from my life forever. I chalk it up to a loss. It's a heavy loss, but life is loss and I accept the loss of my children. I walk away from that suffering into a different sort of suffering that I have more of a chance of turning into joy, into a sense of self-accomplishment, and by God I will. I am content with this.
Mon cher Copperpot,
Je crois que vous êtes alors dans un rêve utopique. Eh bien, bonne chance, et je vous souhaite bon courage.
Chas 'old fart' who would do it all again.
Thank You, but I don't believe in utopian dreams, or luck for that matter. Again, I don't believe France or the Legion is some magical fairytale, but I do believe that the Legion has opened its arms and given thousands of men a fresh start in life, a new opportunity, and for that its deserving of the respect from me. One thing I have heard many say about the Legion is, “how could you respect the Legion or France? You are a foreigner and are therefore nothing but cannon fodder.†I am cannon fodder, I recognize this, and I am happy with it. Quid-pro-quo, I say.
Oh no, Chas, this is no utopian dream. I have researched, meditated deeply, and joined even Cervens to learn as much about the Legion as possible. This all, again, comes after careful and deep reflection and consideration of the pros and cons over a long period of time. Utopia, on a level, does not exist. Not in the US, not in Britain, not in Nigeria, Japan, China, or France; not in the Russian military, the Romanian military or the French Foreign Legion - but the chance of a new start, or someone, an organization extending their hand and giving me a chance that so many others did not - and it is a French organization called the Foreign Legion. So to that I will cast myself; my loyalty and my love.