Not sure this goes here so if not I apologize but it is movie related and I found it kinda funny:
Diary of The Dead: Ten Things You Will Need When the Zombies Come
or...
Lessons Learned from Watching Every Zombie Movie Ever Made!
Posted by Jack Gamble - Man Overboard under Entertainment, Humor, Movies, Science Fiction
In Celebration of yet another installment in George Romero’s *you fill in the blank* of the Dead series, I have compiled a brief inventory of 10 must-haves in the event you find yourself smack-dab in the middle of Diary of the Dead.
1. Shotgun (infinite ammo required): When zombie heads need ’splodin, accept no substitutes.
2. Bottled Water and Non-perishables: You’re going to be held-up in your makeshift impenetrable fortress for some time. After all, we are yet to establish how long it takes for a zombie to starve to death - if at all. The water will run out first, so a means of capturing rain water will be in order.
3. Hammer and Nails: Your landlord just had to install a bay window in your living room. Now you’re going to need something to hold back the zombie mob. Take interior doors off of hinges, remove studs from non-load bearing walls, and nail said materials over windows and presto - instant Zombie barrier.
4. Gun/Survival Enthusiast or (better yet) Professional: The Family Ties guy from tremors would be ideal due to limited mental weaknesses but if Burt is not available you will need an Ex-cop, Marine, Navy Seal, or Heavy Weight Champion to form the backbone of your ground defense. Caution: These characters are inevitably bitten and become formidable Zombies. Plan for the worst.
5. Lawnmower: Warning - not for the squeamish - This is always the best zombie moment EVER!
6. Blunt Objects: Reference Shaun of the Dead. Go for durability. I’m thinking Aluminum Easton or a Tire Iron. Avoid wood, thin shafts, and remember, knives are useless - they’re Zombies, stupid.
7. Body Armor: Remarkably omitted from most Zombie flicks. We’re not stopping bullets here, just teeth. I’m thinking full Kevlar, helmet with Lexan face shield, steel toed boots, and chain mail gloves. Provided there are enough of you, try to combine the armor with the blunt objects and utilize a Phalanx formation to stop the Zombies dead in their tracks at the point of entry into your recently penetrated impenetrable fortress.
8. Hard Decision Maker: Sooner or later little Timmy will get bitten and become a Zombie. 'Someone' needs to make the easy - yet surprisingly debated decision to put one in Timmy’s head before he turns. If not, Zombie Timmy will kill the Gun Enthusiast, the Promiscuous Harlot, the Elderly Couple, the Comic Relief and, of course, break down the barrier causing a catastrophic breach of anti-zombie security. This scenario consistently repeats itself with only the Protagonist, his love interest and the guy you’ve wished dead since opening credits left alive.
9. Gassed up Truck Just Beyond Reach: So there’s ten of you and the truck seats four. Not to worry. The rest of the group won’t make it. I’m thinking at least half will die during the dash. Hint: You don’t want to be the first out the door or the last. When in doubt, stay close to someone slower than you.
10. Last Rights: Nobody survives a Zombie invasion - Nobody. The sooner you accept this fact and make peace with your untimely demise the sooner the director can have his final scare that kills off you and the remainder of your party thus ending the flick and cutting directly to credits backed up by generic death-metal.
Final Words of Art
What if you make it through the days/weeks/months it will take the Zombies run out of food on the hoof and then finish each eating each other or just rot off into dust...
If you make it through the Zombie phase then you've survived into the Post-Apocolyptic phase of survival and will now need to find other (hopefully NON-Thunderdome-type) survivor communities. Bartering skills and items will become VERY important so start visiting flea-markets and yard-sales to hone your skills. In that same vein, you'll need all the usual items to barter, but eveyone forgets to put Porn on the list. You know, the printed kind. Along with gold, jewels, toilet paper, gas, guns, ammo, nails, liquor (especially whiskey) and virgins, Porn should always round out your top 10 barter items.
Good luck and stay up to date on your tetanus shots.
Diary of The Dead: Ten Things You Will Need When the Zombies Come
or...
Lessons Learned from Watching Every Zombie Movie Ever Made!
Posted by Jack Gamble - Man Overboard under Entertainment, Humor, Movies, Science Fiction
In Celebration of yet another installment in George Romero’s *you fill in the blank* of the Dead series, I have compiled a brief inventory of 10 must-haves in the event you find yourself smack-dab in the middle of Diary of the Dead.
1. Shotgun (infinite ammo required): When zombie heads need ’splodin, accept no substitutes.
2. Bottled Water and Non-perishables: You’re going to be held-up in your makeshift impenetrable fortress for some time. After all, we are yet to establish how long it takes for a zombie to starve to death - if at all. The water will run out first, so a means of capturing rain water will be in order.
3. Hammer and Nails: Your landlord just had to install a bay window in your living room. Now you’re going to need something to hold back the zombie mob. Take interior doors off of hinges, remove studs from non-load bearing walls, and nail said materials over windows and presto - instant Zombie barrier.
4. Gun/Survival Enthusiast or (better yet) Professional: The Family Ties guy from tremors would be ideal due to limited mental weaknesses but if Burt is not available you will need an Ex-cop, Marine, Navy Seal, or Heavy Weight Champion to form the backbone of your ground defense. Caution: These characters are inevitably bitten and become formidable Zombies. Plan for the worst.
5. Lawnmower: Warning - not for the squeamish - This is always the best zombie moment EVER!
6. Blunt Objects: Reference Shaun of the Dead. Go for durability. I’m thinking Aluminum Easton or a Tire Iron. Avoid wood, thin shafts, and remember, knives are useless - they’re Zombies, stupid.
7. Body Armor: Remarkably omitted from most Zombie flicks. We’re not stopping bullets here, just teeth. I’m thinking full Kevlar, helmet with Lexan face shield, steel toed boots, and chain mail gloves. Provided there are enough of you, try to combine the armor with the blunt objects and utilize a Phalanx formation to stop the Zombies dead in their tracks at the point of entry into your recently penetrated impenetrable fortress.
8. Hard Decision Maker: Sooner or later little Timmy will get bitten and become a Zombie. 'Someone' needs to make the easy - yet surprisingly debated decision to put one in Timmy’s head before he turns. If not, Zombie Timmy will kill the Gun Enthusiast, the Promiscuous Harlot, the Elderly Couple, the Comic Relief and, of course, break down the barrier causing a catastrophic breach of anti-zombie security. This scenario consistently repeats itself with only the Protagonist, his love interest and the guy you’ve wished dead since opening credits left alive.
9. Gassed up Truck Just Beyond Reach: So there’s ten of you and the truck seats four. Not to worry. The rest of the group won’t make it. I’m thinking at least half will die during the dash. Hint: You don’t want to be the first out the door or the last. When in doubt, stay close to someone slower than you.
10. Last Rights: Nobody survives a Zombie invasion - Nobody. The sooner you accept this fact and make peace with your untimely demise the sooner the director can have his final scare that kills off you and the remainder of your party thus ending the flick and cutting directly to credits backed up by generic death-metal.
Final Words of Art
What if you make it through the days/weeks/months it will take the Zombies run out of food on the hoof and then finish each eating each other or just rot off into dust...
If you make it through the Zombie phase then you've survived into the Post-Apocolyptic phase of survival and will now need to find other (hopefully NON-Thunderdome-type) survivor communities. Bartering skills and items will become VERY important so start visiting flea-markets and yard-sales to hone your skills. In that same vein, you'll need all the usual items to barter, but eveyone forgets to put Porn on the list. You know, the printed kind. Along with gold, jewels, toilet paper, gas, guns, ammo, nails, liquor (especially whiskey) and virgins, Porn should always round out your top 10 barter items.
Good luck and stay up to date on your tetanus shots.
