Movie reviews from the best critic of the world

[Mr.Bean]

My first reviews of the most important movie of the world .

Die Hard

Die Hard is the medical term for death of a male while erect. Medical science has been unable to determine the specific cause, but has developed several theories for why a man would die hard. Such theories include:

* Being over the age of 80, taking too much Viagra, and then celebrating your 50th wedding anniversary with some whips and chains.
* Having a huge penis that requires so much blood from the body to form an erection, that it kills the person due to the excessive blood loss.
* Having sex with an obese whale-woman who likes to be on top, crushing the man.
* Having sex with a guy's wife and that guy walks in on them.

The Documentary
Bruce Willis has hosted a documentary on Die Hard Prevention. Willis became an advocate of Die Hard prevention when his good friend Matthew McConaughey's father died hard. Willis has vowed to spread information and awareness of the condition by releasing a series of documentaries known as the Die Hard Quadrilogy.

The four videos show the everyday life of a patient told by his doctor that he has a 95 percent chance to die hard that night. The video follows the hardships and struggles he faces during the next eight hours, before ultimately getting a boner and dying. These documentaries are based on Willis' life experiences of talking to McConaughey about his father's life experiences.

[DannyJJ]

LOL WTF, u serious? Rofl

[Mr.Bean]

Filmography of Bruce Willis

Cancelled

* The Bruce Willis Blows Shit Up Chronicles Volume XVIII: The Last Boy Scout Will Live Free or Die Hard with a Vengeance and Then Drive an SUV Up Your Ass, Mother****er (2009)

Upcoming Films

* Yippi-Kai-Yay You Mother ******* Terrorists! 3:Half The Middle East is Wiped by the Power of Bruce! (2015)
* Yippi-Kai-Yay You Mother ******* Terrorists! 2:Bomb This! (2014)
* Yippi-Kai-Yay You Mother ******* Terrorists! (2013)
* ****trix: Take the blue pill (2012)
* The Last Full **** (2011)
* Bruce's Summit (2010)
* Bruce does a Black Chick (2009)
* Backdoor Sluts 9 (2009)

Filmography

* McClane vs Obama (2008)
* Assassination of a Porn Star (2008)
* Live Free or Die With a Hard-on (2007) (formerly known as Live Free or **** Hard)
* Whorehouse (2007)
* Perfect Pedo (2006)
* Into the Hedge (2006)
* ******* Michael Slevin (2005)
* Hard **** Nation (2005)
* 16 Cocks (2005)
* Shit City (2004)
* Bruce's Twelve Incher (2003)
* The Whole 10 Inches (2002)
* Bruce's Angels: Dick Throttle (2002)
* Bruce Goes Wild (2001)
* Cumshots on my Son (2001)
* Bruce's War (2001)
* Un****able (2000)
* The Kid (2000)
* The Whole 9 Inches (1999)
* The Sixth Whore (1999) (known in the UK as "That Pedo Stole My Son")
* Breakfast with Bruce (1999)
* Bruce ****s Holly Wood (1999)
* ****adeddon (1998)
* Cum Rising (1998)
* Bruce and Demi do America (1998)
* Last Man ******* (1997)
* Bruce and 12 Monkeys (1997)
* Four Whores (1997)
* **** Hard with a Condom (1997)
* Bruce Goes Interracial 2: Bruce's Asian Girl (1996)
* Pulped by the Friction (1996)
* Bruce Goes Interracial: The Colour Black (1996)
* ******* Distance (1995)
* Loaded Cum (1994)
* Bruce becomes Her (1993)
* The **** (1993)
* The Last Little Boy Scout (1992)
* Brucie's Bath Party (1992)
* Gay Thoughts (1992)
* Bonfire Mountain (1991)
* Look Who's Wanking 2 (1991)
* **** Hard 2 (1990)
* Look Who's Wanking (1990)
* In Cuntry (1989)
* **** Hard (1988)
* The Return of Bruce (1985)
* Blind Girls (1982)
* Bruce Cums (1980)
* The First Deadly **** (1980)

Bruce Willis has also been rumored to star in 1979 flick "Deep Inside Bruce", however, since he was only 16 at the time, the evil FBI seized all copies.

[qwerty]

lol are you overdose whit oxymorons

[amritamay]

lmao ,lol , jeez , omg I cant stop laughing .

[suttongm]

Wow did you come up with all that on your own? Must not be much to do in Russia, but hate Americans. If he sucks so bad, how come you went through so much trouble?

[Mr.Bean]

Wow did you come up with all that on your own? Must not be much to do in Russia, but hate Americans. If he sucks so bad, how come you went through so much trouble?

This post meant to be funny , I don't think in this post I wrote any hateful words .

[suttongm]

Just a late night stab.