Life is becoming too serious

[Martin Scott]

Good afternoon Ladies. You will have to indulge me as I have found some very funny material which I would like to share with you.
Conversation overheard between a section Commander and a Caporal at Castel : right the type of legionnaire we're looking for is an aggressive druken lout with the intellegence of a four year old and the sexual sophistication of a donkey.

Overheard in the foyer in Calvi : It is said that civilised man seeks out good and intelligent company so that through learned discourse he may rise above the savage and feel closer to God. Personally I like to start my day with a total dickhead to remind me I'm best.

Welcoming address by the colonel to new recruits before going to the farm : Good morning team my name is Colonel ........ and I'm the new minister in charge of reglious genoside. Now if you play fair by me you will find me a considerate employer, but cross me and you will find under this boyish playfull exterior, beats the heart of a rutless sadistic manic.

And last but by no means least. Heard from a recruit when signing his first contract : alright I accept. A man may fight for many things, his family, friends, the tear on the check of a child. But personally I would mud wrestle my own mother for an amusing clock. A ton of cash and a stack of French Porn, Your On.

Now I know a lot of the quotes came from Blackadder, I would like to ask what is your favourite comedy series and how could you interept into Legion Life,

Scottie

[jock]

dads army . can watch it again and again . I know its not exactly side splittingly hilarious but it kinda makes me feel good .
So does 'on the buses ' but purely for a nostalgic point of view . I think we have all met 'Inspector' types for real .

if Blackadder is your fave , then which series ? I like Blackadder 3 myself .

[Beau-Sheep]

It means Baldrick that General Hague is about to make another gargantuan effort to move his drinks cabinet six inches closer to Berlin...


Love it!

[jock]

Edmund:
Right, Baldrick, let's try again, shall we? This is called adding. If I have two beans, & then I add two more beans, what do I have?

Baldrick:
Some beans.

Edmund:
Yes...& no. Let's try again, shall we? I have two beans, then I add two more beans. What does that make?

Baldrick:
A very small casserole.

Edmund:
Baldrick, the ape creatures of the Indus have mastered this. Now try again. One, two, three, four. So how many are there?

Baldrick:
Three.

Edmund:
What?

Baldrick:
And that one.

Edmund:
Three...& that one. So if I add that one to the three, what will I have?

Baldrick:
Some beans.

Edmund:
Yes. To you, Baldrick, the Renaissance was something that just happened to other people, wasn't it?

[Beau-Sheep]

Melchett Now, George. Do you remember when I came down to visit you when you were a nipper for your sixth birthday? You used to have a lovely little rabbit. Beautiful little thing. Do you remember?

George Flossy.
Melchett That's right. Flossy. Do you remember what happened to Flossy?

George you shot him.

Melchett that's right. It was the kindest thing to do after he'd been run over by that car.

George by your car, Sir.

Melchett yes, by my car. But that too was an act of mercy when you would remember that that dog had been set on him.

George Your dog, Sir.

Melchett Yes, yes, my dog. But what I'm trying to say, George, is that the state young Flossy was in after we'd scraped him off my front tyre is very much the state that young Blackadder will be in now. If not very nearly dead, then very actually dead.

George Permission for lip to wobble, Sir?

Melchett Permission granted.

[George's lips wobble.]

Melchett Stout fellow.

George But surely, Sir, you must allow me to at least try and save him.

Melchett No, George. It would be as pointless as trying to teach a woman the value of a good, forward defensive stroke. Besides, it would take a superman to get him out of there, not the kind of weed who blubs just because somebody gives him a slice of rabbit pie instead of birthday cake.

[dino]

Sorry boys it has to be Peter Kays Phoenix Nights , i have had to get me ribs strapped up watching both series of it and the spin off Max and Paddy. Matchwinner!!! Clinton baptiste camp psychic to mauler in audience " im getting the word.... nonce" whack!!

ps boys if you want to read a quality book about a drug smuggling ex 2 para naughty boy look for marijuana time by ken lukowiak its the business

[Beau-Sheep]

Sorry boys it has to be Peter Kays Phoenix Nights , i have had to get me ribs strapped up watching both series of it and the spin off Max and Paddy. Matchwinner!!! Clinton baptiste camp psychic to mauler in audience " im getting the word.... nonce" whack!!

ps boys if you want to read a quality book about a drug smuggling ex 2 para naughty boy look for marijuana time by ken lukowiak its the business

Ole bean... a word in your noggin... ex Marines smuggle wacky whereas us paras have sworn an oath to big daddy the spook and junior never to get involved in anyhing other than the direct use of narcotics! Twat must have been a matlow!

[dino]

Ole bean... a word in your noggin... ex marines smuggle wacky whereas us paras have sworn an oath to big daddy the spook and junior never to get involved in anyhing other than the direct use of narcotics! Twat must have been a matlow!

No we had an ex SBS guy on a fishing boat as it got raided by his old mates and customs, "hello pete, what you doin here, er alright fellas i was just er... er "
Ken Lukowiak was 2 para in Falklands and the year after he was i/c postroom at airport camp Belize when he got to thinking hmm what can i post back to the pads? Best bit is where he accidently gets his c/sgt wrecked then watches in fear as the colour man talks to the monkeys in the trees for ages.

[jock]

no we had an ex sbs guy on a fishing boat as it got raided by his old matesand customs, " hello pete, what you doin here, er alright fellas i was just er... er "

He wasn't ex SB he was ex LC rate which is totally different. He was with at least one ex para on the boat . They were apprehended by the SBS in international waters which is why they got away with it. He comes from Clevedon where his parents run a pub and spent some time in horefiled prison whilst waiting trial. He also was assited by a serving marine who was also an LC rate attached to SB. He was discharged from the corps .

[dino]

Thats yer boy yeah he was from Bristol way he wrote a book , i read it on some dull guard watch at lympschwitz and he was ex SB complete with phots. Boy do i know LC is different i applied for a year to get my L3's but waiting list was shocking. When i was doin my leaving routine the next year i spoke to some nod who was going LC straight from training, i could have chinned him
Beau the navy one was some guys on West indies guardship had about £50,000 worth of "golden Jamaica" in the pipeworks around the ship as it came back to Portsmouth dont know if anyone was caught over it but.
Stick that in your bong and smoke it (obviously dont inhale)

[jock]

Thats yer boy yeah he was from Bristol way he wrote a book , i read it on some dull guard watch at lympschwitz and he was ex SB complete with phots. Boy do i know LC is different i applied for a year to get my L3's but waiting list was shocking. When i was doin my leaving routine the next year i spoke to some nod who was going LC straight from training, i could have chinned him
Beau the navy one was some guys on West indies guardship had about £50,000 worth of "golden Jamaica" in the pipeworks around the ship as it came back to Portsmouth dont know if anyone was caught over it but.
Stick that in your bong and smoke it (obviously dont inhale)

I was in Guzz this weekend , went to Turnchapel to see an old oppo in 539 (ex)
There were some very fresh faced young looking green lids cutting about .
which cdo were you in ?
My last draft was stonehouse in the early 80's .
Happy memories of runs ashore in Onion Strasse playing 'pass the matloet ' before heading off to Cascades night club (RM school of dancing ).

[jock]

I might take a nostalgic trip to Woodbury common soon , maybe make myself a little grot for the night
On second thoughts ....nah

[dino]

i am itching now , it happens everytime the word woodbury comes up, ill have to have a tcp bath and a brandy to recover I was in 40 cdo at norton manor, i did three years but got "crumbed" off as a p2(pucs). i picked up shed loads of injuries in the corps and lived on brufin most of the time. Slightly bitter about the crap medical care i received but hey if you cant take a joke ....i was seriously considering coming over to nogent this year but being realistic i dont think the knackered bod would stand up to it ,besides i just bought mercanaries for the playstation so i can vittle up bad guys from my armchair and when i die , hey i press retry cheers Dino
ps i did my DL3 ( Disco leaders) in Della's in Taunton

TO WIVES AND GIRLFRIENDS......MAY THEY NEVER MEET

[jock]

ps i did my DL3 ( Disco leaders) in Della's in Taunton

TO WIVES AND GIRLFRIENDS......MAY THEY NEVER MEET

Ha ha
Did you ever come across any GE's (glass eater)

GE1 the ability to bite the rim of a pint pot
GE2 eating a whole pils bottle
GE3 Biting through the huge glass door at Aggie Westons sailors rest Keyham !!


Happiness is a set of hairy lovatts

[dino]

Ha ha
Did you ever come across any GE's (glass eater)

GE1 the ability to bite the rim of a pint pot
GE2 eating a whole pils bottle
GE3 Biting through the huge glass door at Aggie Westons sailors rest Keyham !!


Happiness is a set of hairy lovatts

yeah it seemed to go out of fashion , mainly just three badgers and ncos these days, a few of our guys would snip open their ballbags(**** knows why) and stick a mcdonalds straw in and blow them up for whole restaurant to see. young royals with unfeasibly large testicles really puts you off your chicken nuggets and the duty MA is never impressed when you emerge from a taxi with blood soaked paper towels for a couple of stitches and a chad explanation how you did it