Subject:- The difference if you marry a "girl" from Liverpool........................

[Ginge N]

The first man married a woman from Norwich . He told her that she was to do the dishes and house cleaning.

It took a couple of days, but on the third day, he came home to see a clean house and dishes washed and put away.


The second man married a woman from Hereford . He gave his wife orders that she was to do all the cleaning, dishes and the cooking. The first day he didn't see any results, but the next day he saw it was better. By the third day, he saw his house was clean, the dishes were done and there was a huge dinner on the table.


The third man married a girl from Liverpool. He ordered her to keep the house cleaned, dishes washed, lawn mowed, laundry washed and hot meals on the table for every meal. He said the first day he didn't see anything. The second day he didn't see anything but by the third day, some of the swelling had gone down and he could see a little out of his left eye and his arm was healed enough that he could fix himself a sandwich and load the dishwasher.


He still has some difficulty when he pees.

[Ginge N]

A Woman was out golfing one day when she hit the ball into the woods.

She went into the woods to look for it and found a frog in a trap.

The frog said to her, "If you release me from this trap, I will grant you three wishes."

The woman freed the frog, and the frog said, "Thank you, but I failed to mention that there was a condition to your wishes.

Whatever you wish for, your husband will get times ten!"

The woman said, "That's okay."

For her first wish, she wanted to be the most beautiful woman in the world.

The frog warned her, "You do realize that this wish will also make your husband the most handsome man in the world, an Adonis whom women will flock to".

The woman replied, "That's okay, because I will be the most beautiful woman and he will have eyes only for me."

So, KAZAM-she's the most beautiful woman in the world!

For her second wish, she wanted to be the richest woman in the world.

The frog said, "That will make your husband the richest man in the world. And he will be ten times richer than you."

The woman said, "That's okay, because what's mine is his and what's his is mine."

So, KAZAM-she's the richest woman in the world!

The frog then inquired about her third wish, and she answered, "I'd like a mild heart attack."


Moral of the story: Women are clever. Don't mess with them.



Attention female readers : This is the end of the joke for you. Stop here and continue feeling good.

Male readers: Please scroll down.

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The man had a heart attack ten times milder than his wife ...



Moral of the story:


Women are not really smart, they just think they are.

Let them continue to think that way and just enjoy the show

PS: If you are a woman and are still reading this; it only goes to show that women never listen!!!

Forward this to all the guys for a good laugh, and to all the ladies who have a good sense of humor.

[Ginge N]

Subject: Swearing in the office



Dear Employees:

It has been brought to management's attention that some individuals throughout the company have been using foul language during the course of normal conversation with their colleagues.

Due to complaints received from some employees who may be easily offended, this type of language will no longer be tolerated.

We do, however, realise the critical importance of being able to accurately express your feelings when communicating with colleagues.

Therefore, a list of 13 New and Innovative 'TRY SAYING' phrases has been provided so that proper exchange of ideas and information can continue in an effective manner.




1. Try Saying: I think you could do with more training

Instead Of: You don't have a f***ing clue, do you?



2. Try Saying: She's an aggressive go-getter

Instead Of: She's a f***ing power-crazy b*tch



3. Try Saying: Perhaps I can work late

Instead Of: And when the f*** do you expect me to do this?



4. Try Saying: I'm certain that isn't feasible

Instead Of: F*** off a*se-hole



5. Try Saying: Really?

Instead Of: Well f*** me backwards with a telegraph pole



6. Try Saying: Perhaps you should check with..

Instead Of: Tell someone who gives a f***.



7. Try Saying: I wasn't involved in the project.

Instead Of: Not my f***ing problem.



8. Try Saying: That's interesting.

Instead Of: What the f***?



9. Try Saying: I'm not sure this can be implemented within the given timescale.

Instead Of: No f***ing chance mate.



10. Try Saying: It will be tight, but I'll try to schedule it in

Instead Of: Why the f*** didn't you tell me that yesterday?



11. Try Saying: He's not familiar with the issues

Instead Of: He's got his head up his f***ing a*se.



12. Try Saying: Excuse me, sir?

Instead Of: Oi, f*** face



13. Try Saying: Of course, I was only going to be at home anyway

Instead Of: Yeah, who needs f***ing holidays anyway.

[Ginge N]

A couple of weeks ago, I was sitting on the patio, drinking beer and watching my wife mow the lawn.








Cheryl from next door saw us and was so upset that she came over and yelled at me....'You lazy f*cking pr!ck! Sitting there drinking beer while your poor wife pushes that ancient lawn mower around! Get up off your fat @rse and give her a break!'





I thought 'Sh!t! ... Women!' Took another swig from my stubby, wiped the cold foam from my lips, lifted my sunglasses, stared directly at this nosey cow and told her in no uncertain terms 'Sod off and mind your own business. My wife has green fingers, and she really enjoys gardening'.





After a few days I felt really bad , so I went out and bought her a ride-on mower to show my sensitive side. I am so proud of the deal I got. I am also proud that my wife can now sit down while mowing the lawn. Yes guys , after all we should take good care of our wives ... that way maybe they will take good care of us.








I have attached a picture below. I hope it comes through OK [see below]
































































































































































































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